Adulting: Assumptions and COVID...

Years ago, I read an autobiography written by a woman who grew up in a cult. It was eye-opening to say the least, but she shared a particular situation that really stood out to me.

She and other cult members were once in an airport waiting on a flight. Based on her clothing and overall demeaner, she said she knew they looked different from the rest of the crowd at the terminal. But she didn’t care. She firmly believed in her heart that she was part of a special, chosen group. In fact, she noted that while she was looking around at others, she felt sorry for them.

That really boggled my mind.

Because I’m in the group of “others” that she felt sympathy for. And if I had been sharing that airport space, I would have in turn felt pity for her. I would have believed she didn’t have a choice and wanted to leave the situation she was in.

Humility check: We cannot assume we know what other people are thinking and experiencing.

This is especially critical during a time when COVID is still at large, and people are responding to this horrible situation in different ways. I find it’s so easy to judge. It’s so easy to get angry. It’s so easy to think we know what is best for others.

When we do, I think we start into a path we don’t want to go down. Because how can we effectively communicate and peacefully live alongside others when we act on assumption? When we hastily determine what someone is thinking? When we have created “truth” about them that isn’t true?

But back to my book: the woman’s story was above all, to me, a vivid reminder that even if we are often correct about people we encounter, it’s always best to slow down. To wait. To let ourselves carefully learn more before we decide to open our mouths and interact* with those around us.

I think by doing so, we show wisdom. We also make ourselves a little more approachable, a little more sympathetic, and a little more relaxed. Something that is much needed in 2020.

*Especially if the interaction is likely to become negative.